 "Role Reversal" 30 in 30 Challenge, Day Nineteen Abstract Acrylic Painting, 24" x 48" Available and inspired by my favorite TV show Fixer Upper  Enjoying life every day has always been one of my top priorities. I have always felt you get one chance to enjoy each day and if you don't it's your own fault. I am lucky to be blessed with such a wonderful family and a great job. So most days are pretty fun.
I am in my fifties (ok, in the upper part of my fifties) and there is a huge responsibility that many of us (in our "upper" fifties) are now faced with. And that is taking care of our aging parents. My parents are 85 and 86 and my mom has early alzheimer's and my dad is still suffering physically from over a year of treatment for lymphoma when he was 84. My parents are awesome but it's hard to know what is the best for them. It's really tough. My parents moved a few weeks ago to an assisted living facility. My sister and brother and I took care of the move and I got to play the role of Joanna Gaines one night as we moved in all of their furniture and hung all of their artwork in preparation for the next day which was the big "reveal day". It's been a big adjustment for my parents but it's been great that they are only 20 minutes away from my house (instead of two hours). (And they are about four minutes from my brother's house). I love that I can visit them three times a week instead of once every two or three weeks. And I can now play bingo downstairs with my mom and trade good spy novels with my dad. It's a very different role as we are all now taking care of our parents and trying to make decisions as to what is best for them. But I am blessed that I have four awesome siblings who are so willing and happy to play a big role in this. So what have I learned these past few weeks? First, this move was way harder than I thought it would be. Especially for my parents. Also, I can't let it bother me that there are so many old people at the assisted living facility. As ridiculous as that sounds, there really are. But I need to accept the fact that my parents are old too. And the food is better that I think it is. And yes, bingo is harder than I remember (although I haven't played in about 40 years). There are all these different games like "postage stamp corners". (Seriously, what in the heck is postage stamp corners? I thought winning bingo just mean you had to get a straight row of numbers.) And bingo is cutthroat. Those ladies are very competitive. How are all of you dealing with this role reversal? 
5 Comments
Susan
1/19/2017 05:37:35 am
First off, never, EVER, feel guilty for taking care of YOURSELF. Otherwise you won't be able to be your best self to take care of your parents. Get your regular exercise, enjoy that movie you want to see, take that vacation you planned, enjoy a nice dinner out, get plenty of sleep. And, yes, moving is hard at any age. It ranks right up there as one of THE most stressful things one can do in this life. Alzheimer's is a cruel, cruel disease. You lose them twice. It affects everybody differently and in unexpected ways. At some point you may have to remind yourself that it's the disease talking, not your mother. I'm not saying it will be easy, but simply do the best you can for your parents and when all is said and done, you will have no regrets. God bless you and your family. 1/19/2017 07:30:56 am
Boy, Leslie, can I relate. My 88 yr old mom always has run circles around me but when she & my stepdad drove from NM to CA I realized that this would be the last time they would be able to do it. Also my mom was not remembering things like she use to and she had a memory that forgot nothing - I mean nothing! But they still are so active that an assisted living home is not for them yet but as an only child sure do need to live closer. Changes for elders can be very hard and sometimes they never recover from it! Scary decisions to be made. So my heart goes out to your but we are blessed to have our art world to escape to when we can! Love your posting and it really touched my heart!!! Thank you! 1/19/2017 08:14:07 am
Did this about 10 years ago. I know exactly what you are talking about, but our mother lived in Florida and her children were in Kentucky and Ohio. She also had alzheimers and it is a very difficult journey. Those ladies are very competitive! My mom had a great place to live so that was wonderful, but it will be the hardest thing to do for you to become the mother and them to become the children. Good Luck and peace.
Diane Hunt
1/19/2017 09:54:18 am
Well said. Feel your heart, you will always be happy you were there for them. We did that for both sets of parents, only one left of each, but they are so grateful for all we did. 1/20/2017 06:38:48 pm
Leslie, I've been praying for you and wondering how the move went ever since hearing your podcast a couple of weeks ago in which you mentioned that was on the agenda that day (or you had just done it- I can't remember exactly.) Anyway, in 2014 my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer stage 4. My sister (who lives 5.5 hours north of my parents) and I (4 hours south of my parents) dropped everything and spent the next 22 months going back and forth to help my dad take care of her. I have to say it was one of the hardest but most rewarding times in my life. We lost my mom last March, but my sister and I are still going back and forth to spend time with my dad. We are thankful he is a healthy 83, and thankful for having had all this time to spend with them both in the past several years. It's far too easy to be so involved in our daily lives that we let our visits to them be too far apart. I'm thankful my life was at a point where I COULD spend weeks at a time helping, and my sister's company was supportive of her as well. Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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Leslie
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